Friday, August 18, 2017

Twenty-One Days

Hey, I've been gluten/soy/dairy free for three weeks now. Not sugar-free, though. There's some sugar in the almond milk they use at Starbucks, and I enjoy an occasional latte now and again. I also like a little bit of maple syrup in my chia pudding, but that doesn't really count, right?

The above isn't exactly a super feat of willpower, though. I've done three or four Whole 30's at this point, so I've been here before. 

Nope, this is no big deal.

What IS a big deal is that today marks three weeks of being binge free. I can count on one hand the number of times this has happened in recent memory: earlier this year when I started Never Binge Again and around this time last year when I first heard of NBA. There have been more two-week stretches here and there, but even when I was doing Whole 30's, it was still possible to binge on compliant food like nuts or Larabars. 

So twenty-one days binge free means I can celebrate better habits formed, right?

Not so fast. We all know it may very well take more than 21 days to form better habits. And I'll never lose my healthy dose of skepticism that once I stop taking the two types of medication I'm currently on to silence my addiction, it's going to come back roaring more loudly than ever. 

I can't seem to find much on the interwebs about what happens after binge eaters stop taking these meds. Plenty of success stories for people who are currently using them, sure, but I want to know how they fare after. There's also case studies from people who have used them to treat other addictions, like smoking or alcoholism. I am hopeful because they seem to be successful, but I can't ignore the fact that food is a completely different beast than cigarettes or liquor. I can't just quit food entirely.

I can just live in the moment for once, though, and enjoy what it feels like to be free. So what if I got here in an imperfect way.

I don't have to worry about what might happen later. Because I can always use the present moment to be healthy when it comes to my food choices. And I'm doing the legwork now to be ready to come off the meds in the right way. I have to remember, I'm on the lowest possible dose of each, with so far no need to increase my dosage. 

And I can finally celebrate a binge free birthday (yes, I've got another birthday approaching this weekend, even though I told those silly birthdays to stop coming around years ago). A really excellent birthday gift would be some news about runDisney's Tinkerbell Half Marathon. Something tells me that's not going to happen, though... maybe if I use the Force...

Star Wars Han Solo telling me that's not how the Force works.

I'll be doing my long run in South Carolina this weekend so I can be in a better spot for the eclipse on Monday. A long road trip... not having access to my own kitchen... this would have been quite challenging in the past, and I'm curious to see how I'll handle it this weekend. But I'm pretty sure it will be easy for me now.

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