Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Game Over

It struck me while I was at Disney on Sunday that my very next visit to the parks would likely be the weekend of the Star Wars Dark Side Challenge.

If that didn't strike me as coming up quickly, this came in my email today:



Cue panic.

I quickly double checked the countdown box on my blog, and sure enough, it’s 25 days out.

I’m toast! I have never felt so unprepared for a race before.

I never thought there would come a day when I’d be envious of running 10-minute miles.

It's not that I have a fear of getting a DNF (did not finish). It's just that every other half marathon I've run, I've always had hope. I've gone into every race thinking that it would be my day to hit a PR. It never worked out that way, but I still had the hope.

This will be my first race knowing that a sub 2:00 is really out of reach. I actually have no idea how long it's going to take me to run 13.1 miles this time around.

I am trying so hard to focus on other things for this race. Really. But there is not a single goal I can get jazzed about as much as hitting that time goal. Nothing else matters.

I'm trying to remember that this is likely not the last half marathon I'll do. But that just leads me down the path of wondering what the point of this half marathon is. And it's so frustrating because I have such positive associations with all things Star Wars, but now maybe I like Star Wars just a tad bit less.

The Dark Side Challenge. Truly, this race could not be more appropriately named.

For me, it has nothing to do with running 19.3 miles in one weekend.

My challenge? Pulling myself out of the darkness that is this self-hate and anger, and getting to a spot where I'm ok with exactly who/what/where I am at any given moment.

Can I get to this spot in 25 days?

Today's exercise: 6ish mile run:
M1: 15:53
M2: 16:47
M3: 17:07
M4: 16:53
M5: 15:19
M6: 15:50

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