I have been thinking a lot about what I could have done differently over the last six months to change where I stand today in preparation for my race. Maybe I shouldn't have started training in September. Maybe I should have taken a few months off.
Otherwise, I don't think I have a good answer. There's so much out of my control.
I was so desperate for something to work after three years of running my heart out and getting worse with each race. The Maffetone Method sounded like a brilliantly simple solution - run long distances at very slow paces, eventually get faster.
But it isn't that simple. It is actually quite restrictive. It apparently only works if every other facet of your life is dialed in perfectly. And my last three months have been far from perfect.
And, hate to say it, but the rest of my life is also going to be un-perfect.
So I think I finally found my goal today, almost a full week after he went missing.
My goal for the Star Wars Dark Side Challenge is to stop and get a photo with every single character on the course. Because that's fun, and having more fun was my New Year's resolution for 2016.
And then I will retire from running as I originally planned.
I will celebrate my retirement with good friends and no stress aboard my Disney Cruise in the days following.
And I will find a new outlet to direct all of my competitive energy.
I will accept that my best half marathon time was my first half marathon. It will never get any better than that.
Today's exercise: Rest