Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Fear is the path to the dark side

I had a really off morning today. 

I'll start with a positive - I didn't wake up at 4! I woke up at 4:20! #winning

But that's really where the positive ended. About 5 minutes before my alarm was set to go off, a nasty cramp in my right leg roused me. I walked it off quickly, but I hope this isn't going to be something new to contend with. I used to get leg cramps all of the time at night when I was running farther, faster, more frequently. Not fun.

I then was really looking forward to my AM "run" - it's been a few days since I have been able to do it outside. However, about 10 minutes in, I started to feel a blister forming on my right heel. I had decided it was time to throw away my old model 14 Hurricanes over the weekend (they should have been trashed in October), and started using my model 16 Hurricanes this week. (Saucony may very well be on model 50 by now. I can't remember when I bought these, it was so long ago. I always like to have a pair of backup shoes on hand). I'll be really disappointed if I have to toss a pair of new sneakers because they aren't serving me. I've delayed my retirement twice now purchasing all of the stuff I need to run better.

Anyway, I really wanted to stay outside. Sunrise, dolphins, beautiful weather... why waste a perfect day inside the gym? But I turned around and went back inside to use the elliptical to prevent messing up my foot any further. 

So it's days like today when a lot goes wrong... and I'm trying to figure out why... that I get started with the "What If?" questions. 

What if I'm not doing this right?
What if my heart rate monitor is inaccurate and I'm not training aerobically at all?
What if I don't get faster?
What if I don't hit my sub 2:00 goal?

If you have anxiety, then you know it's hard to follow "What If's" through... the fear just kind of lingers there. 

Star Wars Yoda: Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.

So while I'm processing these down to a place where I won't worry, I did just want to put this out there for other worriers - it turns out that people who worry are pretty smart

Maybe it isn't so bad to keep the "What If's" going. It at least keeps me motivated to continue changing things up until I get it right. 

108 days left.

Today's Exercise: 1 hr walk/elliptical

3 eggs with spinach, coffeeTuna salad, peppermint teaHC latte, almondschili w/ guac

No comments:

Post a Comment